I don’t often write in this. Maybe I should, it’s a great way of venting out certain things I can’t/won’t actually say to peoples faces. Or maybe opinons, beliefs, life in general.

I want to start out with college. College is going well, better than I expected - I started 2 weeks ago tomorrow, and already on the actual first day I made instant friends with everyone. Now two weeks on, they’ve all become like my family. Of course, there are certain people I like, and certain people I do.
Let’s start off with the one’s I do not like - I won’t name them.
There’s a boy, and he is extremely obnoxious, kinda guy who would kill a joke, can’t say anything sexual around because he’ll tell you you’re naughty. His extremely ill appearance isn’t very appealing, greasy mopped hair, baggy shirt and trousers that are just way too short for him.
A girl, I like her, she’s actually really nice but she smokes, that’s all fair and well but it is really disgusting, smelly breath, bad teeth, I don’t see the point in that habit. And another girl, she’s also very nice, but she tries too much to be like everyone else, tries too much to be funny, and swears a lot so she seems ”normal”
except she goes overboard. The rest of my group however, are fine.
There’s only a few, 12-13 of us. One boy in particular I have my eye set on, but he’s interested in another girl in our class - a girl of which I’m extremely envious of, not just because she’s caught this guys eye, but because she’s pretty, I look at her, then look at myself, and just want to crawl in a hole and hide there for no one to see. I feel ashamed to have these looks, I feel ashamed to even be alive.
I’m extremely unconfident, always comparing myself, can’t seem to stop.

You know, I hate people who take life so seriously. There’s teenagers my age, worrying about politics and ”society”. I don’t like that word, ”society” - sounds very mature and serious. Going on about this that and the other, that ”what is the world coming to?” and all the adult things like worrying about prices of products.
I just want to scream in their faces, stop being so fucking serious all the time, for god sake live your life with an open mind and don’t be so serious!
Not everything is doom and gloom, yes it seems it but only if you let it.
It’s not the end of the world if you have a bad habit.
It’s not the end of the world if people are losing faith in God.
It’s not the end of the world if a certain person doesn’t like you.
It’s not the end of the world if we’re in a recession.
It’s not the end of the world if you don’t have money.
LIFE GOES ON. LIFE IS WHAT YOU MAKE IT. MAKE OF IT WHAT YOU WILL BUT FOR EVERYONES BENEFIT JUST GET ON WITH IT.

I’m mature in the sense that I can be serious when I need to be.
Not mature in the sense that I’m worrying about such things.
I’m SIXTEEN. I’m a teenager, still a kid.
I worry about how my hair looks, if my makeups too caked on, if my outfit goes,
I worry about when the next HEAT magazine is gonna come out, which celebrities are doing what on which day.
That doesn’t make me immature. It makes me human. It makes me normal.
I don’t care about society or politics, or the prices of products, or what this world is coming to. All I care about is my future and fulfilling my life long dream of getting my name noticed. Selfish? maybe, but it’s my life, I make the choices, call me what you will but at least I’m ambitious. I don’t complain, I don’t grumble, I take everything in my stride and if I fail I get back up again.

I was actually thinking of writing about how bad I am at improvisation, and how badly I hate it, wondering if performing was really the thing for me. But you know what? Now I’ve written all that, about failing and getting back up again, I’ve decided not to. Yes, I hate improvisation, but at the end of the day, I’m willing to fight my way to the top, so if it means I have to do certain things I tenderly hate, then so be it. Bring it on. I WILL get my name noticed. Yes, I want to be FAMOUS
is that such a bad thing?! I want to make something of myself, I want people to look up to me, see me and think ”wow” I want to spend the rest of my life doing what I love best - performing. To all of you who disagree with me, calling me just like everyone else, just watch. Watch very carefully, those who get to meet me will be the luckiest people on earth, and those who forgot me, will never forget me again. Call me confident, call me stupid, call it a fantasy. Either way, it doesn’t matter what you think. I’m a human, and I deserve a right to make my name known in this god for saken world.

And boy.
Will my name be known.